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Recently I was contacted by a researcher, named Zoe, who is working on a series for the History Channel (set to air in 2011), which will include a segment about Mormons.
In her research for the series, Zoe came across The Single Mormon Girl’s Guide to Life.
She became interested in some of the topics covered on the blog and contacted me to ask me questions about all things pertaining to Mormon dating…both those covered on the blog as well as things she had heard about elsewhere. We talked about the pressure to marry early, group dates, Mormon spinsters, DTR’s, Singles Wards, NCMO, etc.
Zoe and I also talked about modern day prophets, food storage, missions, the Word of Wisdom, the church welfare program, family, BYU, and even about fry sauce and funeral potatoes. It was a pretty comprehensive interview.
And then at the end of the interview she asked me what being a Mormon meant to me…what the essence of Mormonism is…and how Mormons feel that they are different from non-LDS people.
Anyway, those questions left me thinking about what it really does mean to be Mormon.
Since talking with Zoe, I’ve thought of several different ways that I might have answered her, instead of the way I did.
And then I wondered how the readers of this blog would have answered those questions.
So, what does being a Mormon, specifically a single Mormon, mean to you? What would you say the essence of Mormonism is? How do you feel different from the rest of the world…or do you?
Do share. I’m curious to know what you have to say. And, I’m curious to see if anyone would have answered the question in the same way I answered it.
Also, Zoe said she’d check back on this blog to see what the readers’ responses are to these questions. So who knows, maybe your answer will influence Zoe’s research and therefore the History Channel program on Mormons…and then you’ll be famous…or will feel famous at least.
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So apparently my brothers read my blog. I wasn’t aware of this until this past Sunday when my brothers and I were eating a lovely Sunday dinner of reheated J-Dawgs (and no, my mom wasn’t there or the J-Dawg for Sunday dinner idea would have probably been rejected) and somehow this blog came up. And there I thought I was so anonymous.
Anyway, one of my brothers read my last post and thought that we could add the method used in the clip below to evade answering questions we don’t want to answer.
I think it’s a great idea. Its the “nonsensical answer” answer. It will probably just leave the perpetrator of your interrogation on singleness confused and they’ll walk away.
Anyway, give it a try sometime and let me know how it goes. I have a good feeling about this method of answering those unwanted questions.
I can’t wait to try it out.
Bring it on…
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Hello. Miss Jones here.
I have been asked a lot of questions over the past couple of years since I inherited this blog. I have a goal to be a better blogger and get those questions answered, even if they are questions from a year or two ago. I figure that even if the person who originally asked the question is long gone from the single scene, that their question, and the answer to it, will hopefully help others who are still singletons and still readers of The Single Mormon Girl’s Guide to Life.
So, here’s to getting caught up on questions and being better about staying caught up in the future!
Dear Miss Jones…
I have a question… how do you politely tell someone who asks about you about being single, not going to the “SA Ward” etc., that it’s none of their business or simply that you’re not interested in answering their nosy questions?
Sarah
Dear Sarah…
There are stupid questions and as singles we seem to get asked a lot of them. Learning how to respond to these questions is important for survival as a singleton.
But, I might not be the best person to ask.
Especially since you specifically said that you wanted to know how to politely answer these unwanted questions. And quite honestly, I am kind of a smart A and get really bugged when people ask me stupid questions. And my first reaction is to give them a smart A answer back.
So, I’ll just give you a few ideas. I can’t promise that all of them are totally polite, but I’ll try to at least come up with one polite idea for you. And, I’m hoping that blog readers will have additional ideas and can leave comments with those ideas on this post.
Just for the record, I really do believe that when people ask us nosy or rude or dumb or annoying questions that 99.9% of the time they aren’t trying to be mean or to bother us. My mom always says that we should believe that people have the best intentions when they say or do something and that they want the best for us. Now, that might not always be true, but it helps me to go through life believing that people are genuinely good and kind and want the best for each other.
So, a person in your ward, or a family member, or “friend” or whoever is asking these annoying questions probably doesn’t know that they are being nosy or sometimes even rude.
I have found that some people are really limited by their life experiences (or lack thereof)…that they can’t seem to understand things that they haven’t experienced themselves. And, that some of these people can’t seem to use common sense in knowing what to say or how to treat people who aren’t living the typical Mormon plan of: date-mission-date-marry-make babies-live happily ever after.
I tend to think that the best way out of an awkward situation is to joke about it. But you have to be careful. Joking back to people’s stupid questions in a sarcastic way without coming across as rude or bitter or whatever is kind of a fine line…I accidentally cross that line sometimes, but I do my best not to. I like to joke back and usually I can get away with it without offending, like I did with Ruth last year. Besides, turning their stupid question into a joke often helps people realize how ridiculous their question may be and may make them think in the future before asking other singletons the same question.
I think whether or not you can jokingly respond depends on you and your personality as well as the personality and age of the person you are responding to. Obviously you don’t want to be a rude smart A to the cute 90 year-old in your ward who is just trying to be nice to you but couldn’t come up with a decent question to ask you. And you don’t want to answer in a sarcastic way to the super serious lady in your ward who always wears pioneer dresses and thinks that sarcasm is “of the devil.” So you definitely have to know your audience before turning their question into a joke, but here are some ideas.
When people ask my brother questions he doesn’t want to answer (like: when are you getting married, are you dating anyone, how much did your house cost, how much money do you make, etc) he answers,
“Oh, didn’t I tell you?…” (with a bewildered look on his face)
Then the person says, “No.”
And then he says, “Well, that’s because it’s none of your business!”
But really he usually says “d@%# business,” but that’s usually just to his close friends.
Okay, that response, although funny, is not polite.
Here, let me try again.
One of our blog readers Sara (Sara without an h…not the one who asked this question) gave this idea for a creative way to answer people’s probing questions about your dating life. She said,
In my last ward which I had been in for ages, when ever one of the kind sisters asked me how my dating life was going I’d say, “fine thanks, how is your marriage?” totally freaked them out! Actually depending on who it was and what I could get away with I’d even say, “great, how’s your sex life?”
Haaaaaaaa I love it! So funny. And yet still maybe not in the “polite” category.
I think basically, when people ask rude questions, ESPECIALLY if they are people who should know better…people with children who married later in life, people who married later in life or are single still themselves, or people who are close to you and know what a sensitive subject marriage, dating, singles’ wards, etc. can be for you…I think that in these cases it’s okay to turn the question right around and ask it in a different form to those asking you the question. It should act as a little wake up call for them.
For example, a few years ago I saw my great uncle at a funeral. He has a daughter who is probably in her late 40′s and hasn’t yet been married…so, you think he’d know to leave single people alone. I was 25 at the time. He approached me at the funeral and said, “How’s the old maid?”…to which I instantly replied, “Fine, how’s the old fart?” Well, that got him laughing, as well as everyone else who overheard our conversation and I think it made him realize how rude that question was. And seriously, I was 25…I hate that in our culture I was already an “old maid.” Ahhhhhhhh!
Okay, I’m still really having trouble coming up with a really polite way to get the message across, but I think this next idea is actually a good one and is actually polite and yet to the point.
One way that I heard to basically tell people that you don’t want to answer their questions and not come across too rude (as long as your presentation is good) is just to smile and say, “you know, I don’t really want to talk about my _______(dating life, singles ward, last relationship, marital status,etc.) but let me tell you about _______ (this class I’m taking, a book I’m reading, a new hobby I’ve started, a place I just traveled to, etc.).” And then chatter on about something you do want to talk about. Just take control of the conversation and turn it into something you do want to talk about. Help the person asking these annoying questions see that there’s more to you then just your marital status…help them get to know more about you so the next time they talk to you they can maybe come up with a more intelligent question to ask you.
Okay, readers, please help me out here…I really can only think of this one way to respond that would really be considered polite. Do you have other polite ways to answer? Leave us a comment and let us know how you respond to the probing questions that people seem to love to ask us singletons. Also, feel free to throw in some funny ways too…even if they aren’t so polite. We won’t judge you…we’ve all been there!
Thanks everybody for your input!
Good luck out there!
Miss Jones
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I’m back. It’s been a very long absence. I’m sorry.
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